7 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self

I’ve learned a lot of things as an adult that I did not know as a teenager.  I guess that’s the point of growing up, but there are some things I REALLY wish I’d known then.  So, in an attempt to go back in time, I’ve created a list of things I wish I had known then.

1. You do not have to fit 1 mold.

When I was in high school, I thought I had to be the girl who hung out with guys and didn’t care about anything.  I listened to the music my guy friends were listening to, I pretended to like stupid boy things (Jackass?! Seriously?!), I dressed like I just didn’t care about anything (ripped up jeans, t-shirts from the thrift store…), I believe for a while I prided myself on being the girl who never cried.  Why did I work so hard to be that girl?  Now I do things based on how I feel and what makes me happy.  I listen to bad pop music, because it makes me smile.  I dress up because I want to feel pretty.  I spend more time on my makeup and hair than I’d like to admit.  And, yes, I still listen to music where the lead singer screams more than sings.  And some days, I wear ripped jeans and t-shirts from high school.  Because I can be more than one girl.  It’s so freeing.  I don’t have to be any type of girl, the only thing I need to be is Courtney.  I would have saved a lot of time if I had learned this about 10 years ago.

2.       Don’t be careless with your heart.

For a lot of teenagers, this would mean “don’t fall too hard and get your heart broken”.  Not me.  

As part of my “I don’t care” philosophy on life, I also never liked any specific boy too much.  Or, at least I never admitted to it.  I would date boys I didn’t really care much about more than as friends, and would break up with them after a couple of weeks.  While the boys I really liked went off and found girls who were more honest with their feelings.  I never really succumbed to the head-over-heels feeling until I met my husband.  Which is good, but I think I shut myself off from some wonderful things by not listening to my true feelings.  I probably would have gotten hurt like so many of my friends did, but those are life experiences meant for everyone, and I intentionally avoided them.  In choosing boys I wasn’t that crazy about (who, unfortunately had the bad taste of being interested in me), I made bad relationship decisions and I hurt myself and other people in the process.

3.       You have REALLY good friends.

I knew this at the time.  But I remember being scared in high school that we wouldn’t stay friends after we left for college.  And for some of those friendships, that was true.  And they’re definitely not the same relationships they used to be.  But that doesn’t make them any less amazing.  I had exactly the friends that I needed at that time in my life.  And there’s no bad blood with any of them now, relationships just change over time.  I think back on my friends in high school so fondly.  We had so much fun spending HOURS upon HOURS scouring the Blockbuster to find a movie that all of us would enjoy and then watching said movie at someone’s house, going to playgrounds after dark, bowling and going to the diner every weekend…  As I got older, I realized that having a really great social life in high school was not something that everyone had, so I’m really grateful for that time.  And I still LOVE those friends with my whole heart, even if I don't see or talk to them as often as I'd like to.

4.       Grades DO matter.

   

Sorry, but once I got to college, I was told on several occasions that those grades don’t really matter, as long as you get your degree.  False.  Especially if you major in something like Psychology and need to further your education.  I applied to 4 graduate programs and 1 nursing program, and because I cared about my grades, I got into 4 programs, and waitlisted for a PhD program (I mean, I wasn’t a genius or anything…).  But, I could’ve worked harder had I realized that at 27 I would have to put my college GPA on a nursing school application.

5.       Be very thankful that Facebook is not a part of your life today.

I LOVE Facebook.  I don’t pretend like it’s a hindrance on my life because it’s not.  It’s a great way to keep in touch with my family and friends that are far away from me, and if there’s someone or some group posting things that I would rather not see, I can hide it.  Maybe I’m a little too dependent on it, but I just love it.  There are good things about Facebook.  However, on MANY occasions, I have considered how HORRIBLE it would be to have had Facebook when I was a teenager.  Passive aggressive status updates, stalking people you hear about but don’t truly know (or people you do know and really shouldn’t be stalking like exes and their new girlfriends), the ability of people to unfriend you…  It overwhelms me to think about all of those things in the hands of hormonal and moody teenagers.  The internet did have the ability to wreak havoc on our lives when I was in high school (Xanga, Livejournal, away messages intended to hurt other people…), but it could have been so much worse.  I’m thankful for that every single day.

6.       Don’t say something about someone behind their back that you wouldn’t say to their face.

Let’s be honest, this is something I could learn today.  I like gossip.  It’s awful and hurtful and I wish I didn’t, and I have definitely gotten better since high school, but inevitably, it gets back to the other person.  It’s so easy to get sucked into someone else’s fight and talk bad about Person B when you’re with Person A and vice versa.  Thankfully, I didn’t lose any friends over my gossipy, behind-the-back talk, but I could have very easily (and frankly, I probably should have).  There is a way to be supportive of your friends without taking part in any hurtful remarks about another person, and I have learned those ways as an adult.  I just need to work harder on putting them into practice sometimes.

7.       Sometimes it’s really hard to see it.  But life is good.

I felt like I’d been dealt a bad hand when I was growing up.  Stuff with my family wasn’t easy and I had a hard time with it.  I felt things really intensely and painfully, and I didn’t really tell people about it.  I watched my friends have these great families and siblings they could be friends with and I felt left out and sad.  But, the longer I’ve been away from my family, I’ve gotten some perspective.  I had a pretty great childhood.  Things were not perfect, but they could have been much worse.  I had all of my basic needs met (and MUCH more than that), I had a family that loved me, and I have some great childhood memories.  Holding on to the attitude that life wasn’t fair to me just gave me a negative attitude, and it was completely unnecessary.

Now, if only teenagers would listen to those who have been through the experience so they could avoid painful and embarrassing experiences.  But, isn’t that the point of adolescence?

A post about high school requires a high school picture.  Thankfully for me, the only photo I have of myself from before college is from my prom with a cameo from my awesome prom date.