The Girl Who Cried School

So, the other night as I was falling asleep, I worked myself into a good, little panic.  For the last year or so I've been talking about going back to school for nursing.  I think a part of me always kind of wanted to go into nursing, but I have this weird phobia of bones.  I know, strange, but it's real.  It's called cartilogenophobia and it's weird and I get made fun of for it, but basically, bones freak me out.  So I thought I could never go into any form of medical profession (even though I've always kind of been interested in it).  Long story short, I've gotten better with my phobia (in that I think I could study the human body but I could never work in an ER or pediatrics or anywhere that deals with broken bones.)

So, anyway, after I started working as a medical assistant and loved it, I thought going back to school for nursing would be a good idea.  Here's the problem:
I'm the girl who cried school.

Yes, I have my BS in Psychology and I love school.  I (seriously) love writing papers and sitting in classes and all that.  After I graduated I was accepted into 3 different grad schools for counseling.  And I talked a lot about doing it.  I even registered for classes at one school.  But I never actually did it.  I was terrified of having more student loan debt or not being able to afford it, or not being able to keep working full time while I was in school, or whatever.  In New Orleans, I enjoyed my job so much that going back to school seemed unnecessary.  I liked what I was doing, I was learning a lot, I was paying my bills, why rock the boat?  I think when I moved and continued doing the same job in a new location, I came to the realization that I had learned most of what I was going to learn in this position.  It took a few weeks to get used to how this clinic does things, but now I'm getting the hang of things and I'm getting bored.

This might be God's way of saying "Get off your butt and go to school."

So, the other night I was laying in bed, thinking that most nursing programs are about 2 years long.  And I probably won't start until fall of next year.  Meaning I won't be done until I'm about 28 and Philip is about 30-31.  "We both want to have kids, but what if Philip doesn't want to wait that long?"  "This will set us back on paying back our loans..."  "Can we afford for me to go to school?"  "Can I keep my job?  Will I have to get a couple part time jobs so we can still make money but so I can work out a school schedule?"  "Will I be too busy to ever see Philip?"  "If I wait too long to have kids, will I still be able to have them?"  "What if Philip starts to resent me for making him sacrifice so much for me to go back to school?"  And so on and so on and so on...

Really, sometimes it sucks to have my brain.

So, I decided to mention this insanity to Philip and he told me "Ok...you're going back to school in the fall."  He told me not to worry about when we had kids, not to worry about him "sacrificing" for me to go back to school (because, really, what's 2 years in the long run?).

So that's the plan now.  I looked up a program last night that's a 2 year program, and I'd be able to take the state licensure to be a RN after graduation, it's a community college (so, community college cost), and I emailed the head of the department to see when I should start applying, what classes I could test out of, and how I could somehow keep a full time job in the process.

So the plan now is:  New niece or nephew in January, wedding in the spring, and school in the fall.  2012 is going to be a big year.

And the moral of the story is:  Philip is a way better guy than I sometimes give him credit for.